embracing 'nos'

lessons from a rejection hunt in the streets of san francisco

"Could you write us a poem about the importance of petting your eyebrows?" we asked two men resting by the waterfront in downtown San Francisco. "Make it beautiful, and at least five lines long," we added with a firm tone.

fear: to be or not to be

I am afraid of many things and social rejection often vibrates the strongest. In the spirit of tackling fears, my friend and I decided to poke this fear of rejection.

In his TED talk, Jia Jiang introduced ‘rejection therapy game,’ where one goes out and seeks daily rejections with the goal of desensitizing oneself from the pain. Jia’s requests spanned a delightful range, from asking Krispy Kreme for donuts shaped like Olympic rings to planting a flower on one’s backyard.

Inspired by Jiang's lessons, we set out on our own rejection hunt. Our goal? To intentionally increase our inbound 'no' rate and build comfort hearing and saying 'no's.

exercising rejection tolerance

At first, the idea of approaching two business busy men engaged in a conversation felt daunting. The 'worry army' steadily marched into our heads, resulting in lots of overthinking and distraction spiriling.

“worry army” drawn by my friend, as part of her pre-hunt reflections.

But we reminded ourselves that all members of the army are just weird sensations and we can choose to let go of them, so our hunt continued on.

Soon, the fear began to dissipate. Each interaction increased my tolerance for rejection, helping me build a healthier relationship with social fears. 'Oh, so this is what desensitizing oneself from the pain means,' I thought.

the many ways of saying 'no'

The rejection hunt was not only a great teacher in expressing our needs but also in learning the various ways to say no.

One approach is a direct 'no,' without any further explanation. 'No' is a complete, self-sufficient sentence. Most of the seemingly busy strangers simply said no to us.

We also encountered those who added more color to their refusals. For example, one guy explained that he is walking towards a desired objective and convincing his three friends to join a choir singing 'Jingle Bells' would be a 'ton of work.' What a great exploration into stranger’s inner world of decision-making.

there are infinite ways to play with this world

Coming up with rejection requests on the fly felt like some creative improv on the streets, requiring quick decision-making. The possibilities for what to ask are limitless.

                                              what do you ask? and who do you ask?

While it is easy to fall into the trap of overthinking and analysis paralysis, we found that intuition with a quick assessment of social norms served as a good guide.

the fear-tackling journey ahead

The requests on this hunt were no-stake, hence easier to execute. Real-life rejections might hurt more and I am keen on observing my fears are through them,:)¹

to our surprise, our first request resulted in a ‘yes’ , leaving us with this beautiful art. when was the last time you pet your eyebrow

P.S.: Esther, appreciate your silliness and thoughtfulness a lot!

1. Other fun experiences were: getting a free ice cream, a candid style critique about how my scarf didn’t match the hoodie, a demonstration of eyebrow petting, a sideway story of how one got their AirPods as a gift for Christmas and hence can’t gift me the left one.