talk to the unknown: my quest to chat up strangers

relearning the boldness of younger naïve svitlana

“Hm, this young guy with a beard and topknot holding a suit is looking so cool and handsome!” I contemplated while on a bus to Oslo, Norway. “Oh shoot, and he is heading for the seat next to me. I gotta talk to him.”

Hoping to break the ice, I said “What nice weather over here in Norway, huh?” and in response got an unenthusiastic “Yes.”, as if there was a real audible period in the end. But 17-year-old me was nothing but a stubborn and naïve teenager, clueless about personal boundaries. So ten minutes later I soothed my anxious thought race, calmed my shaking legs, and tried again: “How long is this journey to Oslo?”

The latter attempt turned out to be a massive success. Not only was the guy an engaging conversationalist, diving into topics of geography, education, and student life, but he also turned out to be the founder of a sustainable startup accelerator that I was interviewing for. A younger me was hell yes inspired, so when he suggested a university program, I knew that I would apply no matter what.

Fast forward a year, and I found myself packing for a SF-based undergrad program called Minerva, which requires its students to live in Seoul, Berlin, London, San Francisco, Brazil, and Hyderabad while completing their degree. Dang, that bold conversation with a good-looking stranger ended up turning my life upside down! 

I am now a self-conscious grown up full of overthinking and social fears 

At 24, the naiveté of teenagerhood has faded, making interactions with strangers is way more daunting. What if they think I am a weirdo? What if they tell me to shut up? What if they shoot me with a “yes.” in response to my weather comment?

Striking up conversations with unknowns is a gamble - you never know how the interaction is going to turn out. 

Yet, I remember the gift of that encounter in Norway. Determined to relearn the art of conversational dance with strangers, I came up with a plan.

who is the least fear-inducing stranger around you?

"Stranger" is a broad term. They can be anyone, from a confident, attractive individual hurrying through downtown to close a business deal to a kind-hearted grandma picking flowers in a park. To make things easier, I asked myself, "Who seems the least fear-inducing in my surroundings?"

Svitlana's freaking out scale

For me, it was the elderly, so I began making eye contact and engaging in small talk with the senior residents in my neighborhood. I chose a learning environment that provided the most support for conquering my fears.

As I grew comfortable conversing with the elderly, I revisited the initial question, gradually moving into more uncomfortable social interactions.

The art of striking conversations with strangers is gradually becoming second nature to me. Along the way, I've gathered a lot of beautiful memories, from dining with an older gay couple and hearing stories about San Francisco from the pre-Steve Jobs era to exchanging handstand drills with a friendly gym buddy. It makes my life richer and I am grateful to a teenage self for showing me a magic of this endavour.

So who is the least fear-inducing stranger around you, winky wink? ;)

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Thanks to Write of Passage for encouraging me to write more. One of their assignments tasked me with writing a 'call to action,' and while I was overthinking it, serendipity intervened—a stranger struck up a conversation with me at the beach and I knew exactly what I am going to write about!