As a grown-up, I feel very insecure about being a beginner.
Every time I start learning something new, the Insecurity chimes in singing…
My learned automatic response is to fight it by loudly proclaiming:
“Insecurity, this is my inner space. Don’t you dare to be here!”
While this reaction can soothe Insecurity temporarily, it's not effective long-term. Resisting a mental formation only strengthens its hold. Instead of fighting emotions and feeding them with the energy of my resistance, what if I choose to accept them as part of my nature? Acceptance first. Transformation second.
“Oh, hi, insecurity. I see you. Welcome in, let’s chat,” I say. “You really don’t want me to learn design, do you?”
“Yup. My job is to protect you,” my Insecurity replies. “Remember your human need to belong? Showing your ugly designs is risky, you might get rejected and people see you as a fraud. Better hide in a shield of illusive perfection and only exhibit things you are great at.”
“But if I do that, I won’t learn anything new?” I argue.
“Well, girl, c’est la vie. Things have tradeoffs. While you might stagnate into a fixed point, you gain security and predictability. Isn’t it cool?”
i suck at many things and it’s okay
Friends, it is really challenging to be a beginner at things as an adult. As a homo sapients with advanced pattern recognition skills, I excel at finding gaps between what is and what should be. My Insecurity can’t unsee the delta between the greatness I taste and mediocrity I produce. So, every time I try something new, I get frustrated and shut down, unable to continue.
But hey.
I remind myself avoidance is my learned reaction to struggle.
And I remind myself that humans are agents of transformation.
And I remind myself that I can choose my response to struggle instead.
leverageing the power of metaphors
Never had I ever been exposed to babies until recently my sis pushed one out of her belly. And oh boi, turns out babies are very incompetent! This niece of mine can’t eat, walk, sleep, or do anything on her own.
Do I judge her for not knowing? Nope. Do I grow her with compassion and care? Yeap.
Veronika inspired me to think of my skills as babies. Babies take time to grow so do my skills. Babies need attentive and consistent care, and so do my skills. Babies thrive when treated with compassion, and so do my skills.
I have many baby skills:
lastly, ai and i made a song
One of my baby skills is creating music with AI. I made a song to help set the vibes for learning.
Uh. Yes, I also feel uneasy about AI replacing humans. And I also feel excited about AI democratizing skills and empowering people like me to give a musical shape to my ideas.
Thank you for reading🌻. May your baby skills thrive and grow.
Everything is a remix, and so is this blogpost. It mixes in ideas of Internal Family Systems, Thich Nhat Han, Ira Glass, Esther Yang, Jack Nyange, and many other friends and strangers.
Love the approach to skills as babies! Did something similar with my subpersonalities today. Also love creative idea of making a song for putting oneself into desired state 👏